It's been a while...

It really has... A lot, yet not much has happened since... well... forever it seems!  Last semester was spent abroad in the Middle East which was a crazy awesome experience.  I'm sure I'll throw in stories here and there of my time spent across the ocean, but as of now, I still don't really know what I think.  I know those 3.5 months impacted me, but I still can't point my finger on the exact places it's changed me.   I spent my time studying history, both Biblical and general, learning Arabic, learning many different cultures and religions, learning more about the Palestinian/Israeli conflict, looking at the Bible in an archaeological way, and so much more.  I'm totally open to questions and love telling about my experience!

But now I'm back in the States.  I'm back to people pushing for their what-feels-like pointless agenda on everyone.  Coming back from my cross cultural, the main thing I learned was that Jesus is truly all that matters.  He is needed everywhere in the world.  Not just in the Holy Land where it all began.  Not just in upper-middle class America.  Not just in ancient political powerhouses like Rome.  Everyone everywhere needs Jesus.  It has frustrated me to no end recently to see how readily available He is to all of us, but how blatantly we slam the door on His face.  It just reaffirms my calling (and yours too whether you want to believe it or not) to tell others of Jesus' awesome love and mercy.

I'm really glad to be back in my church at Aletheia Harrisonburg.  I'm glad to be surrounded by an amazing group of women on Thursday nights, and how quickly I am able to connect with new ladies since merging groups.  I'm so blessed to be able to be with people who have Jesus #1 in their lives for the sake of all He has done for us.  Not because we want to use Him to back up our own desires, but because we recognize that we are all sinners and in need of His great love, compassion, and mercy.

As far as what I am up to, other than the whole readjusting because of culture shock and getting back and involved at church, I would have to say not much.  I am trying to find a job, but most places are turned off when they see my school schedule for next semester.  It's crazy how I feel like it's easier for a high schooler to find a job than a college student.  But whatever.  God will provide.  His plan is far better than mine.  Part of me gets the feeling that God is allowing me this time to be able to be with Jeremy as much as possible before he moves.  

That's another big thing in my life.  Jeremy is moving to Gainesville, Florida in less than 2 weeks.  I don't think it's completely hit either one of us, but it sure will soon enough!  Luckily, I found a super cheap ticket to be able to drive down with him, stay a week, and then fly back to VA.  I'm not at all sure how or when we will see each other next, but I do know that it won't ever be as long as it was when I was in the Middle East.  Regardless, it won't be easy, but the easy things in life are definitely not the most rewarding.  All I have to say is I am so excited to FINALLY be down in FL and check out Gainesville for myself.  I've driven past it who knows how many times, but never actually been there.  I'm excited to finally see what exactly it is about this place that Jeremy loves.  I will admit that I was (and maybe still am to a slight degree) skeptical about the whole moving to Florida ordeal.  It's hot there.  I am one of those who sleeps with her window open when it is snowing outside.  I guess it's one of those never-say-never ordeals.  All I know is, if it is the place where God will be most glorified through me, then that's where I'll be!  So definitely be praying for the city of Gainesville, that hearts would be opened to the ministry we have, and all those on our church planting team, whether already there, or still in their respective places -- Virginia mostly I believe.

And on the side, mostly for fun, I have enjoyed doing a lot of random stuff.   I'm getting more and more into photography and finding out more of what my niche is in the art.  I'm realizing that my photo editing software is okay, but really not that great.  I also am pining for a 50mm 1.4 lens, but neither of those two items will be upgraded in the near future seeing as how my job prospects are pretty slim.  I've also gotten into painting recently, but totally not big deal stuff... More of completely copy what others have already done on Etsy so I don't have to pay the big bucks for it.  If you ever want a new piece of art for your wall, let me know and I'm sure we can work something out!  I'm also working on making an online book of my travels in the Middle East since scrap booking has become too messy, time consuming, and probably more expensive in the long run.  Plus this looks more professional.  I also spend a little too much time on Pinterest.  So, long story short, I guess I'm trying to be more artsy??

Oddly enough, one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I'm doing recently is relearning what it is to be a musician.  I've totally gotten the whole classical thing down.  Put a Mozart Aria down in front of me, and with the help of a solid accompanist, I won't have much problem sight reading it.  It's totally humbling though to have this in front of me:  Em  G  D  C  G and struggle.  (Props if you can figure out what song it is to!) I over analyze music way too much.  (I guess I should clarify that this is for piano.  Put that in front of me with my guitar, and I would be a little more than worried if I had issues...)  My mind goes all these crazy stupid places about what position I should play it in, and what other chords could legitimately follow the one I'm playing now, instead of letting the music flow through me.  I still don't really know if I am that kind of person.  I can tell you right now it would sound 1000x better if you give me staff paper and 5 minutes to notate everything.  Sometimes I'm envious of others abilities to play something completely by ear, or by lead sheet symbols.  But I have to remember that the flip side is probably happening too.  I know others would kill for my ability to sight read or even just read music.  I'm definitely glad to have those abilities, but I just wish I would have learned a little more improv.  All this to say, I'm learning!  And it's crazy.  I wouldn't have said this 2 years ago, but I am so ready to not use an upright, but have a keyboard.  Someday...

So, this is my completely random blog post about my life recently! I hope that you somehow enjoyed some part of it!

Godly roles

I am one of those people who often has strong opinions, but is really really bad at articulating them.  One of those things that I have a pretty solid opinion on, but have never been able to clearly articulate my beliefs is that of roles as men and women; husband and wife.  So I'll start at the beginning.  And by the beginning, I mean my beginning. 

I've wanted to be a lot of things in my life.  For many years, I wanted to be a vet.  I wanted to be an overseas missionary.  I wanted to be an opera singer.  I want(ed) to sing with Hillsong United.  Two things that have remained consistent through it all is my desire to be serving Christ, and to be a mommy.  Even while I was still sleeping in a crib, I would rock my baby, Emma, to sleep, take her upstairs to my crib, look around awkwardly, then throw her as gracefully as possible into the crib.  Luckily, she's just a doll.  I always wanted to be a caring mom; one who would cuddle her babies, rock them to sleep, and bring them up in Christ.  Sure, I might not have articulated it quite like that 15 years ago...  To me, being a mom meant putting the interests of my children above my own.  It meant being a stay at home mom, even if the budget was tight.  I would much rather stay at home and nurture my children than pay to have a babysitter, who I may or may not know, come and influence my children.  And let's be honest.  Babysitters need money too.  Will I be able to make enough money to justify paying someone to be with my children when I'm not there?  Probably not.  

Thus comes my dream of doing crafty stuff.  I really want to sew stuff and sell it on Etsy.  Or I can make jewelry.  Or I can photograph.  I can more or less do these from my house.  A Proverbs 31 woman (which many Christian women hope to emulate)  back in the day considered a field and would buy it, and with the fruit of her hands, she would plant a vineyard.  Now, this isn't saying that we, as women, should go out buying fields and planting vineyards.  However, this says a lot about the woman.  She was obviously entrusted with an amount of money.  Her husband had faith and trusted in her.  She then didn't squander the money.  She invested wisely in something that she could do (not necessarily easily) while maintaining her roles as mother and wife.  She also made linen and sold it to the merchants. She woke up early to feed her household.  I don't want to break down all of Proverbs 31, because that's not really the point.  The point is, this woman worked hard while still remaining consistent in her God given roles.  


Okay, so how do we know what our God given roles are?  I have an idea.  Let's look at the Word! Genesis 2:18, Adam has been created, but is not fulfilled.  God then created Eve from his flesh to be his helper.  I know women tend to hate this word, but I love it!  The Hebrew word is "ezer" which means the one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in "the helped."  This means that men were created incomplete.  Women were created to complement men.  We (women) were not created to stand alone either.  Of course, there are exceptions.  Paul was not married, and his ministry flourished.  However, in a family context, I strongly believe men need women, and likewise, women need men.  Children need a mother and a father -- but this is a totally different topic.  My point is that God created man and woman so perfectly.  We lived in harmony in the garden.  We knew our roles and respected them.  However, probably even if you're not a Christian, you're familiar with the "forbidden fruit," or ultimately, sin, which separated us from God. I love how John MacArthur puts it in his book Twelve Extraordinary Women of the Bible.  I want you to read Genesis 3 really carefully.  I probably wouldn't have caught this, but thankfully, there are awesome and godly people in the world such as MacArthur, who study the Word in such an awesome way.  Here are some interesting points.
*Adam was with Eve when the serpent deceived her.  He did nothing to stop it.  Not only that, but after she had eaten of the fruit, he also ate without an argument.  *God is omniscient, right?  He knows everything.  He undoubtedly knew that Eve was the one to be deceived, yet He first confronts Adam.
Adam was not doing his job as protector.  He let his wife be deceived.  He was essentially deceived by the snake as well.  He didn't take responsibility for his wife's actions either.  He was super quick to point the blame at his wife, which isn't biblical.  We should all be emulating Christ, but specifically husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25).  Christ is way more than responsible for Christians.  He loved us so much that He laid down His life for us to be able to be in communion with God.  He doesn't sit around and allow us to sin.  We fight it by ignoring the Spirit.  Jesus did everything in His power to present us to God as a pure spotless bride.  I believe there was a solid reason why God confronted Adam before Eve.  I also think the "curses" then make an awful lot of sense. I'll come back to that in just a minute :)

Another way to know what my role as a Christian woman is, is to look at the roles of Christian men, and see how I fit into it.  A prime example would be that if a Christian man is to be the head of the household (I Cor. 11:3) and thus, a leader, then the wife should be submissive (Back to Eph 5) to her husband, and ultimately his decisions.   Submissive here is hypotasso, which means to obey, be subject, submit one's control, and to subordinate.  Husbands are not told to submit to their wives.  Rather, they are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  I don't know about you, but I think that it is a whole lot easier for me to submit myself to the decisions of a Godly husband, than it would be for my husband to in turn, be willing to sacrifice himself daily for me.  I'm not talking about literal death every single day.  I'm talking about being willing to drop whatever he is doing to help serve me.  Yes, husbands are to be servants as well.  Submit, no.  Serve, yes.  I think that service is one of the main things we can learn from Christ.  He did nothing but serve people.  The word for "head" (head of the household) is kephale, which means cornerstone.  Very necessary, but also quite useless by itself.


Okay, so. Husbands = leaders.  They walk point for their family.  This is a military term where the leader of the group, who is in turn, most exposed, is walking point.  They take full responsibility for all who follow.  Now, let's go back to the "curses."  I'm sure all of you could say that the women were cursed with painful childbirth.  There's so much more than that though.  "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."  I take this as the "curse" then a statement.  This desire is not sexual, rather it is a woman desiring the role of her husband; to rule.  That is not our original intended role at all.  I don't know about you ladies, but I don't want to be the one walking point.  There is a LOT more required of a Godly man and husband that we realize.  I am more than glad to be in the role of supporter.  Now, it is also important to remember that it is not at all that the man can do it all on his own, and that the woman is unnecessary and in a role that is below men.  We are to complement each other!


I could go on and on and on, but I won't.  I just want to end with the thought that if we always act out in love and with the Spirit, then we will have no problem to be in the roles God created us.  However, we are sinful and self-seeking.  I pray that I will continue to learn what it means to be a Godly woman, and actually apply it to my life instead of just have a ton of head knowledge. 

Sovereign Hands

Yes, Jesus had to be born of a virgin to fulfill Old Testament prophecies.  Yes, that's pretty awesome.  However, after celebrating two Easters in the Middle East, I came to the harsh realization of how much Christians tend to "over do" Christmas.  Christ was born so He could die.  It's the suffering, death, burial, and resurrection that really matters.  I feel like we so often give something up for Lent without really knowing why, then when Palm Sunday happens, we realize, "Oh! One more week until Easter!"  then go about our merry ways.  Maybe we have a moving sunrise service which makes us super thankful for all Christ has done for us, but do we keep that passion the next day, or the day after?  I remember when I was little, Easter meant getting an Easter basket from my Dean grandparents, and getting to sing the fun song which is Up From the Grave He Arose.  Really.  I knew He died for my sins, but I did a pretty good job at not dwelling on that fact.  I don't like death and never have.  I didn't like thinking about the suffering that Jesus went through for my screw ups and failures.  I honestly had an awful mindset thinking that it must not have been that big of a deal, because He is God.  He can do whatever He wants, no big deal.  No.  It was a huge deal.

While listening to my iPod on the flight over to Egypt, I came across the song Sovereign Hands by Hillsong.  It has quickly become one of my favorite songs.  Every time I call Jesus my Savior, I should remember what all He has done for me.  I'm not saved purely because He is awesome, but because he was brutally murdered.  Up to His very last breath, He was the true pure spotless Lamb.  There was not a single blemish in His life.  He is everything that I am not.
Sovereign handsNailed to a humble crossScars You bearSpeak of Your redeeming loveNo wonder I call You the SaviorNo wonder I'm singing
God of all the heavensNow and 'til foreverHigh above the universeGod of our redemptionGod of my surrenderThe glory is Yours
Sovereign GodLaying down a holy lifeHeaven's SonWilling to be crucifiedNo wonder I call You the SaviorNo wonder I'm singing
Open handsGiven to a sovereign causeAll I amGod will be forever YoursNo wonder I call You the SaviorNo wonder I'm singing
Holy God.
So. It's my goal to remember Christ's mercy and grace every day.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvCDEuANWdI